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[personal profile] inyri
I've been getting to know my co-workers (not much else to do when there's no one else in the store, god forbid I be antisocial) and I've had to explain my love-life a few times now. I feel like I overestimated how well people "get" long-distance relationships. The question I've gotten the most is "Isn't it hard not being able to see him all the time? I mean, why would you want to go through all that?"

Well, fuck. Why didn't I think of that? Idiots.

Of course it's hard. This summer hasn't been terrible so far, but it's only been three weeks, and that after a full year of getting to be together all the time. My freshman year was hell... but that's another story for another time. He went back and deleted all his journal entries from that time- I'm not going to do that, since I like keeping things around, but it's not something I enjoy dwelling upon. We'll have been together five years in January (where does the time go?), and have long since entered that weird symbiotic relationship state where you finish the other person's sentences and think in the collective "we." So when I'm not around him it feels like half of my soul is missing, and there's this gaping empty space where it's supposed to be. It hurts.

It's the kind of deep hurt you get used to, once you experience it often enough, so I'd stopped noticing it as much. Having to talk about it, though, drags it all up again. Meanwhile I get to listen to all their insipid stories about making out with cute girls at parties and my contempt for them scares me. I wish I could be happy for them, but I can't.
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May 2009

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